why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize