im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
