Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
