I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
