Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize