I must be too annoying 4 u.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
