What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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