he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Found your dick twin last night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
