he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
