too bad you live with your parents still
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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