look no pants
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
