First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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