his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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