ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
