That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
