So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
