I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
