im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
