Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize