I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
