I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
tell me about the fingering
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