Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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