I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
