Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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