people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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