how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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