I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He better not be in your backpack
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
