thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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