Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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