Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
