Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
