yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
