took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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