Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You can't special order awesome
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
