I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
