I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
