I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize