Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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