I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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