Three words: puerto rican gang bang
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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