Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
