He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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