why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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