okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
