Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize