i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
