One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
