I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
