i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
