Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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