she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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