I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
where are my pants?
in the oven.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
