i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
