Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
pray to the hookup gods
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
