So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize