Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
