physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize