how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Someone stole a lamp last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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