I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
