im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
it glows. i had to have it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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