He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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