Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize