I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
