this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
