she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
love makes seman taste better
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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