you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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