Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
