mondays should just be called national damage control day
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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