I'm jealous of your bromance
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize