I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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