i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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