My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
