Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
