You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
