is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize