Me. At least after what I've been through.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
