we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
zippers are such a cool invention
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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