He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
