i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
