What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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