i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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