somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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