You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
