i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
