He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
