I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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